DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hold an annual party, for which I hire a person to assist me in setting up, maintaining the buffet and serving drinks. She has always done a great job.
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At the most recent party, however, I noticed she had set up a tip jar next to the drinks. I was horrified.
I went over and grabbed the jar, then pulled her aside and said that I was sorry that she did not feel I was paying her enough, and that she felt the need to seek compensation from my guests. I told her to tell me how much she felt like I was underpaying her, and that I would compensate her so she didn’t need a tip jar.
I went back to the friends I had been chatting with and explained what happened. They all thought it was perfectly appropriate for her to have a tip jar.
After the party, I called my mother and told her what happened. Like me, she was horrified that someone would seek tips at a party that I was hosting.
Who do you think is right here? Should I have let her keep the tip jar out?
GENTLE READER: Inclined to side with mothers whenever possible, Miss Manners is happy to say she agrees with yours. And with you.
It is rude to leave out a tip jar in a private home. It screams, as you indicated, that your employees are not satisfied with their pay — or are crassly looking for extra.
Your approach was justified and your offer generous, although you did not mention if the worker took you up on it. Or if you are still employing her.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are intensely divided over the appropriateness of using the kitchen sink to wash one’s hands for anything other than food prep.
I grew up in a house where the bathroom was all the way across the house from the kitchen. We were always welcome to use the kitchen sink to wash our hands before meals, as long as we didn’t get in the way of the cook.
In my current home (with five children), there is one hall bathroom upstairs, plus a tiny powder room downstairs. I don’t use the latter for much, since the door opens to block a main thoroughfare and my darling boys tend to leave the toilet seat up.
Is it indeed mannerless to use the kitchen sink for general hand-washing? Should I send the children to queue at the upstairs hall bath before dinner?
I may have been raised by wolves, but if I know better, perhaps I can do better.
GENTLE READER: Even Miss Manners, who was most decidedly not reared by wolves, is having difficulty distinguishing between food prep hand-washing and general hand-washing. Is it the degree of dirt?
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In any case, she would think the division of bathroom labor infinitely better than risking dirty banisters or destroying the powder room. Particularly since the towels there are dangerously close to an open toilet seat.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette about flossing your teeth at a table where others are eating?
GENTLE READER: Not to.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
