DEAR ABBY: My husband puts everyone first before me.
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An example: We were invited to his aunt Diana’s 50th wedding anniversary. His father had been their best man but couldn’t make it due to illness. So, at the last minute, my husband was asked to sit at the head table with his aunt and her husband.
I was not invited to do that, and my husband didn’t ask if I could sit with them. The room was full and there were no other seats for me, so the event coordinator set up a table for me in the hall, by myself, next to the washrooms. The only time I saw anyone was when they used the facilities.
My husband came to use the washroom and asked me if I wanted anything. I told him I’d like a drink, but he didn’t come back until he needed to use the washroom again. I told him to take me home and he could return to the event. It was a 15-minute drive.
When I talked to him the next day and explained how hurt and embarrassed I was, he thought it was selfish on my part since it was such a special event for his aunt Diana.
I was supportive of him taking part, but if it had been the reverse, I would have ensured he was seated at the main table, or at least close by. What are your thoughts?
— CAST OUT IN FLORIDA
DEAR CAST OUT: What happened at that celebration was an embarrassment for everybody.
If you and your husband were invited as a couple, there should have been an assigned seat for you at one of the tables. You should not have been seated alone next to a bathroom.
The event coordinator has plenty to apologize for, and so does your thoughtless, self-centered husband.
Under the circumstances, your hurt feelings are understandable. You owe no one an apology for feeling rightfully offended.
DEAR ABBY: Am I a crank, or is it OK these days for waiters to become involved in diners’ conversations and actually take over the conversation?
At dinner last night, our waiter interrupted us three times and stayed at our table for more than five minutes taking over our conversation. It had nothing to do with the restaurant or our food — it was about his travels and all the countries he’s been to and worked in.
The last time he interrupted, we had finished eating and were talking. He talked for about 10 minutes. When he finally stopped to take a breath, I quickly said, “Well, let’s get going!”
It wasn’t late and the restaurant was more than half empty.
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I had given him a 50% tip because it was a holiday, but after I thought about the intrusive service, I was sorry I did it.
Any suggestions?
— BACK OFF OR YOUR TIP WILL SUFFER
DEAR BACK OFF: Many people would have enjoyed that server’s sharing. However, because you didn’t, when his patter became intrusive, you should have politely said, “Excuse me, we are trying to have a private conversation. Could you please take our order?” (That you tipped so generously would have softened the blow.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
